IIn an effort to be somewhat flexible, Mr. Ellis, we, the kidnappers have decided to be somewhat lenient with regards to the ransom for Mr. Grin and Bear It. We originally requested a sum in the amount of $131,000.00 OR a Starbucks gift card. You have, no doubt, received this demand.
However, we are willing to put the ransom demands in the public's hands. Are there any of you out there creative enough to come up with some uniquely awesome and random ransom demands??? we are all ears and are awaiting your responses....
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OMG! What kind of sick person could do such a thing. I was on the pooh alert website and heard about mr. grin and bear it... It truly upsets me that someone would take him. The bears friend, Jim, is more than likely weeping everyday, aimlessly looking for his little furry friend, posting "have you seen my bear" posters on every tree for miles, taping his pictures on milk cartons, handing out fliers to all that pass him on the street. I bet that all of the 7-11's around his home have posters hung in the windows. I hope that Jim finds his bear soon, and that he's returned safely. There is no telling what this maniac is capable of next. Everyone PLEASE protect and keep your bears close !!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYes, Tippie,
ReplyDeleteIt is true! There's no telling what I am capable of! I have a network of spies and mercenaries working round the clock to ensure that this kidnapping is like none other!
My coherts will remove said posters! My demands must be met!!!
Attackmaster:
ReplyDeletePerhaps the best way to approach this situation is to look at your costs versus your profit. Mr. Grin N. Bear It may not be large in size, but shipping him across the globe may cost a pretty penny. Therefore, your first demand should be to cover all travel expenses. It is only fair.
Here is a complete list of demands that should suit you:
1.) Coverage of any and all travel expenses.
2.) One 12"x8"x8" cardboard box containing a large variety of 8-track cassettes. Such artists must be included: Gordon Lightfoot, The Fifth Dimension, Air Supply, and Patsy Cline.
3.) High-class office supplies, perferably color coordinated. These items may include, but are not limited to: paper clips, staples, Post-It notes, or index cards.
4.) One box of Barnum's Animals Animal Crackers. This item must be packaged in the old-school cardboard boxes with the shoe-lace handles, unlike the more modern and less interesting resealable "Snak Saks". This item is serves as a personal reminder by presenting one with psychological pain everytime the kidnapper walks by toting this cookie cage, savagely gnawing at a delicious bear-shaped treat.
- Anonymous Mammal Trapper
Mr. Mammal Trapper,
ReplyDeleteYou are a very scary individual! Who are you??? It scares me to think you may be walking amongst us in our everyday lives.
Scary, indeed! You have a sick and twisted psyche!
Who is This Mammal Trapper?! I Need to know this person!
ReplyDelete