Mr. Ellis,
By now you are aware that we have your assistant, Mr. Grin N Bear It.
You have received several ransom notes assuring you that he is well. He is in good spirits. However, he is having quite a fine time globe-trotting from one local to another since he has been in our possession.
We strongly advise that you listen and adhere to our demands. No harm will come to your friend if you do. Do not notify the authorities or the demise of the bear will be on your head!
Further instructions to come. We will be in touch.
Attack Master
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Attackmaster:
ReplyDeleteAs someone who makes it one's living to trap mammals, I applaud your successful efforts in catching this wily creature. Bears are particularly savage beasts, regardless of composure or civilized characteristics.
For example, Ursus arctos pruinosus, known to some as the infamous Himalayan blue bear, commonly whistles a calming melody to lure its victims into ease before charging.
Mr. Grin N. Bear It seems to have bone structure similar to that of the Alaskan brown bear, or Kodiak bear. This fact is only proven by his copacetic grin, a tell-tale sign of the species. As one of the largest members of the bear family, these creatures are particularly powerful.
However, regardless of the fact that Mr. It has this savagely disarming smile, I have noticed that he has been thoroughly brain-washed and domesticated into what is referred as "yuppie-ism".
Did you trap him through lures of pay raises, company advancements, and break room benefits, such as being allowed the first cup of freshly-brewed coffee?
-Anonymous Mammal Trapper